God has told his people, "Here is a place of rest; let the weary rest here. This is a place of quiet rest." But they would not listen. - Isaiah 28:12
One year ago today I woke up laying in the street behind my car.
Back to August 2009:
My Monster started kindergarten. I was called almost everyday to pick him up because of behavioral problems. It got to the point that I felt a sense of dread every time the phone rang. I have an Uncle and Brother on the autistic spectrum. I knew the signs. But Monster was so high functioning I overlooked them until he started acting out. I took him to our GP and he blew off my concerns. I went around him & took him to a Pediatric Psychiatrist who almost right away saw the things I saw. Diagnosis: Aspergers and ADHD. All through this process I was praying and God was whispering, "Be still and know I am God." I didn't stay still. I took my situation even tighter in my grasp and ran with it.
October 2009:
On the way to take the kids to school someone ran into the back of my van while trying to answer her cell phone. She had been going 45 mile an hour and had not braked at all. Being me I made sure everyone was alright. Exchanged information. I helped the woman push her car out of the street. I offered her daughter a ride to school & got the kids to school on time. You see Little Miss had a field trip and couldn't be late. Monster was in his new SD class I had worked 24/7 to get him into & I didn't want to hinder his adjustment. Plus I had work to get to. Who had time to take a moment? Not me. I prayed that I would get through the day. God whispered a little louder," Be still and know I am God." I went right back to worrying and trying to juggle it all.
A few days later I was cleaning out the van to take it to the repair shop. Behind the backseat a huge piece of metal was jutting up about two feet up. Just a few feet from where my kids were sitting. I sat down and shook. I thanked God for keeping us safe. Then went back to my working and planning.
A few days after that I received a call that the van was totaled and that the woman who hit me had provided me with false information. Her address was a shame. Her Driver's Licence was fake. Her insurance non-existent. Her phone number a prepaid cell phone she stopped answering. I would have to get a new car with the insurance payout minus my deductible. I prayed to God to help with my plans. He spoke clearly "I will take care of you. Be still and know that I am God". I waived him off and went about my plans.
This went on for the next few months. I would get stressed out. I would pray. God would tell me to trust him and I would pat him on the head and say "It's O.K. I'll just work a little harder."
The last of these conversation happened the morning of February 9th 2010. I was dropping the kids off at school when I started to feel a little sick. I prayed to God to get me through the day and he demanded me to be still and rest in him. I refused.
I got out of the car and handed Monster his backpack and I don't remember how I ended up flat on my back, laying in a puddle behind my car. I tried to get up. I prayed for God to help me up. He said "No, I'm going to help you rest."
The principled of the school took my car keys away. I saw the inside of a school nurses office for the first time in 20 years. My Mother-in-Law took me into urgent care where I fully expected to be presented with a icepack and sent on my merry way. Instead I was sent in an ambulance to the hospital. Not one of my finer moments, but I actually said "I don't have time for this!" to the doctor.
Once at the hospital I was poked and prodded. They declared I had cracked skull and a brain bleed. Remember Liam Neeson's wife Natasha Richardson? The one who hit her head and said "I don't need to see a doctor" and then died a little while later? Well, but for the grace of God there I go. I was observed and given another CT scan and then shipped off to Palm Springs to see a neurosurgeon.
I was poked and prodded again. I prayed for God to get me through it. I have small children. They need me. Then God told me, "Just like you need me. Don't worry your fine. You just need to rest in me." I felt peace. Everything was going to be fine with out me engineering it. I could rest and not worry. I was being taken care of. I was allowing myself to be cared for.
The Neurosurgeon was back with the results from the last scan. The bleed had stopped on its own. I was going home to spend the night in my bed. Surrounded by my family. I would have to rest for the next few months. I couldn't drive for a while. I couldn't lift anything heavy or push cars out of the road. I would have to rely on others for help. And every time this lack of self-reliance annoyed me God would remind me to accept his love and nurturing. That he knew what I needed. And I would actually listen.
Now I joke about it as the day God slapped me upside the head. I still have a few issues with dizziness and my ears ringing. The Doctor said after a year these could be permanent. I was a little bummed about that until I realized God put in my body a sort of alarm clock. It is a reminder that I am only human. That I have some limits and that is O.K.. That I need to be still and quiet sometimes and listen to the one who knows me and loves me better than anyone else. That while I am wonderfully made, I am not God.
Then Jesus said, "Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. - Matthew 11:28
"Be still, and know that I am God! I will be honored by every nation. I will be honored throughout the world." - Psalm 45:10
